August 12th, 2025

hi guys i disappeared for a bit because i think my website is ugly and i can do better. im gonna rework it while i still have time before my classes start. woo starting college again, kinda excited... new job too!! and i finally have a car did i tell u.. been getting into homestuck again sorry guys. deleted instagram, not forever but for now.. it makes me horribly depressed i think and i have a lot of things outside my phone waiting for me. trying to move the unmovable force (me). its veryyy hard. especially with no help days feel like a blur of good bad neutral nothing big void of emptiness friends euphoria HEYHEYHEYEHEY. maybe thats normal? idk i get more sense of normality from television.. but i like where im going right now you guys should start a commonplace journal like i am its helping me. i write down texts my friends send me and it helps me with my perspective when im splitting. currently splitting on my sister rn btw. so yea. love ya

August 24th, 2025

school tmrw!! well, my textbook opens up and my first day of class is technically wednesday but whateverrrrrr. anywasy my big dream right now is to own a house or an apartment with my best friend i really want that i think that is top dream top surgery hormones all that jazz can #WAIT! if i have to choose between waiting an eternity for a house or hrt i would take the hrt because i have survived so long without it i think i can brave a few more years. this is my mentality towards medication too, really. i want things i can touch and feel first. also i miss my friend and i want him in my vicinitu at all times is that clingy? Maybe but idrc. i hold a lot of love for him unapologetically. im having a mini debate in my head on if i should download a dating app or not but then i cant have my dream of owning a property with my best friend. so maybe i should hold off. anyways, over and out.

August 25th, 2025

this page is broken atm , dont mention it ill fix it later really easy fix but im planning on redecorating the place soon so it doesnt matter to me. listening to alex g feels like being in middle school again and can i talk about how weird it is to have such a unloving childhood where love and affection was given to you sparingly causing u to develop a personality disorder and now that you're an adult the love and affection in your home is mostly normal and your parents are normal as far as your friends can see and it feels like your the boy who cried wolf im grateful to not be emotionally abused but it feels like i have mental problems for no reason like im making stuff up in my head desperate for attention and its fucked up because my mom used to call my tears manipulative and me experiencing psychosis, like her, manipulative. so. really. thanks for the mixed signals again. why apologize and do better if you're not going to pay for my therapy? Hmmm....