August 12th, 2025

hi guys i disappeared for a bit because i think my website is ugly and i can do better. im gonna rework it while i still have time before my classes start. woo starting college again, kinda excited... new job too!! and i finally have a car did i tell u.. been getting into homestuck again sorry guys. deleted instagram, not forever but for now.. it makes me horribly depressed i think and i have a lot of things outside my phone waiting for me. trying to move the unmovable force (me). its veryyy hard. especially with no help days feel like a blur of good bad neutral nothing big void of emptiness friends euphoria HEYHEYHEYEHEY. maybe thats normal? idk i get more sense of normality from television.. but i like where im going right now you guys should start a commonplace journal like i am its helping me. i write down texts my friends send me and it helps me with my perspective when im splitting. currently splitting on my sister rn btw. so yea. love ya

August 24th, 2025

school tmrw!! well, my textbook opens up and my first day of class is technically wednesday but whateverrrrrr. anywasy my big dream right now is to own a house or an apartment with my best friend i really want that i think that is top dream top surgery hormones all that jazz can #WAIT! if i have to choose between waiting an eternity for a house or hrt i would take the hrt because i have survived so long without it i think i can brave a few more years. this is my mentality towards medication too, really. i want things i can touch and feel first. also i miss my friend and i want him in my vicinitu at all times is that clingy? Maybe but idrc. i hold a lot of love for him unapologetically. im having a mini debate in my head on if i should download a dating app or not but then i cant have my dream of owning a property with my best friend. so maybe i should hold off. anyways, over and out.

September 13, 2025

this page is broken atm , dont mention it ill fix it later really easy fix but im planning on redecorating the place soon so it doesnt matter to me. currently remembering all the fucked up things i did as a child and how they've turned me into the person i am today. im really different, i think. despite what i feel 98% of the time. i dont hit people anymore when im overwhelmed or when i split. however there are some things that i havent kicked yet. which is bad, and they've manifested beyond me. ive never uttered the details to anyone before and telling it to a therapist seems weird. this is something i cant analyze and correct by myself. i can definitely become an advocate but a hypocritical one LOL. ok i have work in 3 hours and im soo sleepy will probably delete this just needed some exposure therapy